


Linaria Bipartita

by eorumverba



Series: hanahaki [2]
Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 22:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9463325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eorumverba/pseuds/eorumverba
Summary: It’s kind of…beautiful in it’s twisted irony, Taemin thinks, the petals that are spattered on the floor and the droplets of blood that stain the pale purple blooms. It’s beautiful and it hurts but Jonghyun is fucking worth it.





	

**Author's Note:**

> casual reminder that i only crosspost certain things onto here nd that my primary posting site is tumblr (@eorumverba)

_ Nauseous all the time _

_ Throwing up all the time _

_ Throwing up blood _

_ Throwing up flower petals _

_ Hanahaki disease _

Taemin’s search history is terribly incriminating, and they delete it for the second time in a row (just in case), hands shaking.

_ Hanahaki Disease: an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. There are two ways to cure this disease: operation or reciprocation. In operation, all the blossoming flowers are removed, but the feelings are removed as well. However, if the feelings can come back, the flowers will as well. Hanahaki Disease is not harmless: the growing flowers will eventually clog up the respiratory system, leading to eventual death due to lack of air. _

Taemin feels their stomach heave and they rush to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before they vomit. Mixed with the contents of their breakfast are delicate purple petals - Taemin has been around flowers long enough to know exactly what kind of flower is blooming inside of them.

“Linaria Bipartita…” Taemin picks up the stray petals that have landed on the floor, and tosses them in the toilet as well, “ironic.”

Linaria Bipartita means please notice my feelings for you. The petals are... _ small,  _ delicate and soft and it is so,  _ so  _ incredibly obvious who they bleed for.

Kim Jonghyun.

Jonghyun is...Taemin’s brother, their best friend, their  _ everything.  _ Jonghyun has known Taemin since what seems like forever, and he’s seen them at their best, their worst, everything. Jonghyun is...loving and kind and sweet and delicate and gentle and when he loves, it’s with his whole heart, always true, always genuine. Taemin can practically see his gentle smile as he bends over his guitar, tuning it before looking up at Taemin through his lashes.  _ Do you want me to play something for you? I could play something by whatever your favorite group is, Taeminnie. _

(And Taemin will choke back flower petals and tell Jonghyun to play one of his own songs.)

Taemin is...terribly, pitifully in love with Jonghyun, and the sight of these petals prove that their feelings will only bring sorrow.

Taemin doesn’t...do anything about the petals, just flushes them down the toilet and throws them out when they can, swallows them back and excuses themself to the bathroom...far,  _ far  _ too often than necessary. They shy away from Jonghyun’s touch now - it’s always noticeable and Taemin hates hates  _ hates  _ themself for the way Jonghyun’s face falls. He’s always so earnest and honest with his emotions and that’s why Taemin always ends up laughing when they see those  _ fucking purple petals. _

Please notice my feelings for you.

Taemin coughs petals into their hand and shoves them in his pocket when Jonghyun isn’t looking - his  _ smile  _ had set off the flowers this time and when Taemin sees blood speckled on their hand, they know they haven’t got much time left.

“Taeminnie?” Jonghyun asks, voice quiet, “you’re...hiding something from me, aren’t you?”

“I’m not.” Taemin says it too quickly, but either way, Jonghyun would know. He  _ always  _ does.

Jonghyun just studies them quietly, but then he smiles softly and nods. “You can tell me when you’re ready.”

And Taemin feels their stomach roll again, and before they can go to the bathroom or distract Jonghyun, they end up puking flower petals all over the floor between them. The only sound in the room when Taemin finishes is their heavy, gasping breaths. Jonghyun just touches their shoulder and murmurs, “I’ll get you some water.” and Taemin falls  _ that much more in love. _

When Jonghyun comes back, he helps Taemin to the bathroom to brush their teeth before disappearing to clean up the mess in his room.

“I’m sorry,” is all Taemin says when they get back into Jonghyun’s room.

“Please don’t, Taeminnie. Are you going to tell me…?”

“No,” Taemin says quickly, “no.”

“So you won’t get the operation, huh?”

Taemin shrugs, picking at the comforter. “It’s no use. The feelings would just come back anyway, I’m way too in love. Just - can you do me a favor?”

“Yes, anything.”

“Kiss me. Just…” Taemin’s voice breaks and they stay still and quiet until Jonghyun touches their thigh.

“Taeminnie…”

“Jonghyun, please. Either do it or let me go, I can’t - I can’t  _ do  _ this anymore. I’m fucking  _ dying,  _ do you understand that?”

“I do.” Jonghyun sounds so  _ calm  _ and Taemin grimaces. They’d probably hate Jonghyun if they weren’t so in love with him.

But then Jonghyun leans forwards and kisses them, slow and gentle. His hand is calloused from years of playing guitar when it cups Taemin’s cheek and his thumb gently, gently brushes away the tears that begin to fall from Taemin’s eyes.

“Taeminnie,” Jonghyun whispers when he draws away, but whatever he’d been about to say is forgotten, because Taemin quickly leans in and kisses him again, desperate now. They want to die with this memory in their mind, of Jonghyun’s soft lips and warm body and gentle hand.

“It’s me, isn’t it?”

The tears that continue to fall give Jonghyun his answer.

It takes mere weeks, not months, for the flowers to blossom inside of Taemin’s chest. It’s kind of... _ beautiful  _ in its twisted irony, Taemin thinks, the petals that are spattered on the floor and the droplets of blood that stain the pale purple blooms. It’s beautiful and it hurts but Jonghyun is fucking  _ worth  _ it. And even if they  _ could  _ get the operation, the feelings would come back. Taemin feels it as clearly as they feel the blooms rustle in his chest whenever they breathe now.

Jonghyun visits them one last time, when the disease is at its worst, and he stands in the door, fiddling with the ring on their index finger (the one Taemin had bought him), waiting for Taemin to stop throwing up.

“It’s almost beautiful,” Jonghyun murmurs, “if you don’t mind me saying so.”

Taemin shrugs, wiping their mouth and not looking at Jonghyun. “I know. And I don’t.”

“Why didn’t you tell me it was me?” Jonghyun asks. He sounds like he’s about to cry, but Taemin doesn’t dare look up. Just hearing his voice makes them feel like they’re going to throw up again, again, again.

“I didn’t want you to worry.”

“And you just-” Jonghyun takes a deep, shuddering breath before stepping closer, “Taeminnie, I love you.”

“Stop it, Jonghyun. You can’t just  _ say  _ that. I don’t want you to lie to me.”

“I’m not lying. I love you, so much.”

“Shut up, Jonghyun.” Taemin bends over the bucket again, and only blood comes up this time - they spit and glare up at Jonghyun, but their gaze immediately softens when they see how silent tears stain Jonghyun’s cheeks, how his shoulders are slumped and how...pathetic he looks.

“I think I’d die without you, Taeminnie. Who’s going to drag me around on the weekends?”

Taemin shakes their head and sits up despite the pounding of their head and their racing heartbeat. “Don’t.”

“I didn’t visit you because I...I did a lot of thinking. About you, and me, and us. I - I think I’m in love with you, Taemin.”

“Don’t fucking  _ lie  _ to me!”

“I’m not!”

Silence after their outbursts, and Taemin wilts with a long sigh. “My flower is the linaria bipartita. It means please notice my feelings. Fucking ironic, huh?”

Tears well up in Jonghyun’s eyes and he rushes forward, kneeling in front of Taemin without hesitation. “Taeminnie, I’m in  _ love  _ with you. That’ll fix it, right? Just - accept me,  _ please.  _ Don’t  _ die. _ ”

And then Jonghyun kisses them.

And it’s... _ desperate.  _ It’s needy and there’s only love and fear in the slide of their lips, and Taemin gets the sense that Jonghyun is pouring all of his emotions,  _ begging  _ into this kiss.

He hadn’t even shied away at the taste of blood - and Jonghyun detests blood.

Taemin shoves him away though, throwing up into the bucket again: it’s the biggest amount of petals they’ve ever thrown up, and they’re dizzy and weak when they’re done.

“Fuck, I - I should’ve come sooner-”

“It’s not your fault. I - I love you too, though. Can you just...I’m so  _ tired,  _ Jjong.”

Jonghyun immediately gets up and carefully slides over Taemin to fit himself in the bed next to them, curling around Taemin like they always used to do. It makes Taemin’s heart ache, but they ignore it, turning into Jonghyun and kissing him again, lips lingering. Because if Taemin is going to die, they want to die with this kiss the last thing they’ll do.

(But when they wake up, they feel just a little bit better, and when Jonghyun smiles and kisses them, they don’t throw up. And it takes time for Taemin to completely recover, but Jonghyun is there for every second of it, offering all the support he can. And one day, when Taemin goes downstairs, they notice a few sprigs of ambrosia on the dining room table, and they can’t help smiling.

Ambrosia means that feelings of love are reciprocated.)


End file.
